Listing to love

Krysta Anderson
Krysta Anderson

October 7, 2019

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So, you go to the grocery store to restock your house. Armed with your trolley, you stroll through all aisles in sight, picking up just about everything: your guilty and healthy desires, cooking and snacking essentials, canned goods, toiletries, little bubbly, the works. You reach the cash register, pay your bill and head home only to realise that half of your purchases already existed; they weren’t necessary. You know what was missing: a list.

So you don’t make the same mistake twice. Next time around, you comb through the fridge and cupboard, writing down what’s missing, prioritising your needs over frivolous wants. How is it that a similar principle isn’t applied to amorous aspirations? Why aren’t women making lists so that they can try and figure out their own wants and needs within a relationship?

Now, there are all these rumours going around questioning the use of lists. And understandably so, if they are laced with unrealistic goals. Yes, nothing is wrong with reaching for the moon and landing among these fine as wine male stars! But, you don’t want the result of your spontaneity to be the wrong choice. Consider the option of being prepared, putting what you want into the universe and ultimately knowing what you want out of a man. With the rise of vision and mood boards, a list should be a piece of cake. Here are some important factors to consider when you’re listing to love:


Decide what is crucial for a relationship to work in your eyes then jot it down. It helps significantly if this isn’t a vain reel. You want to dig deep and determine the qualities of a man that appeal to you. Would you want him to be trustworthy, honest, mature, selfless, romantic, hilarious, loyal, faithful? Do you prefer if he’s a gentleman, a good communicator, attentive to details, adventurous, financially responsible and stable, has a positive attitude towards life and you? Write down every detail – don’t leave anything out.

Knowing your type is one thing. And assessing if that type is right for you is another thing entirely. Sometimes you are attracted to who you think you want and not who you need to stand on his own while providing moral, emotional, physical and mental support for you. Now is the time to change your own story. On the other side of the list, the cons can be presented in such a way that you eliminate what once was in order to make way for what needs to be.

You are free to decide what will maintain your happiness and make a note of it. These are key components not necessarily aligned with specific qualities of the male species, but attributes that are geared towards you. Like prioritising your joy, being your refuge in the darkest of hours, making you feel loved, and valued, respecting you as a person, and being your best friend, just to name a few.

Look from within. What are you bringing to the table? To ensure transparency from both parties, you have to be included in the purging and re-emerging process as well. Write down the best qualities you possess and the ones you crave to have and, in some cases, give. Maybe you would like to be more understanding and forgiving, more daring, less dramatic, more supportive. It’s your list, so be as honest as you possibly can.

This point is critical: be open-minded about your list. So it’s amazing that you know exactly what you want. But it is merely a guide, to identify and sift out the bad traits, and in turn highlight the awesome ones. Don’t hold it against a good man if he comes along and doesn’t tick off all criteria on your list. Some take a bit of time to discover, others are purely superficial, so get to know him, his quirky charm might surprise you.

Story by: Krysta Anderson

Krysta Anderson


Krysta Anderson

Tackles sex and relationships with honesty and openness. For months, she took readers on a journey of self-exploration with personal dating column 'Single but Iffy to Mingle'. Now she's ready for an even bigger adventure.

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