We’re all dogs, some of us just aren’t feral

Daviot Kelly
Daviot Kelly

September 23, 2019

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The saying that all men are dogs is an insult, to dogs. The sexual nature of the statement is the issue. People (i.e., a high number of women) believe that men, like dogs, hump everything that moves. To some extent, with dogs (the four-legged ones), that’s true. Have you ever been around them when a female is in heat? Good grief. It’s like watching grown people running towards an overturned goods truck. Plus, we’ve all seen dogs trying to hump everything from stuffed animals to the back of a human’s leg. Now the two-footed dogs may not be much better. It is well established that some men do not have a specific type. As long as the individual they are ogling is a woman, she’s his type.

There was a time I would have been mortified at the implication that I am a dog in the wutless man sense of the term. Over the years, I’ve altered my outlook. Talking with a lady friend recently, she pointed out something. If a man compliments a woman about, let’s say, her butt, she might feel ‘special’, especially if she doesn’t get many kudos for hers. But she also said that if the same man compliments pretty much every woman who has a plump(ish) posterior, then it kinda takes away from her ‘moment’. He could be a serial butt kisser (figuratively). Here a butt, there a butt, everywhere a butt butt. I’ve wondered about how many times I’ve commended women about a particular thing that always catches my attention (I’ll tell you another time). How many would be less flattered if they knew that’s one of my ‘traits’? Doesn’t that make me even a little ‘doggish’? A closeted dog maybe? Or how about this. I’ve often passed up the opportunity to attend various events because I simply can’t afford to. If I did, I’d probably be out and about frequently, trying to impress the ladies. And who knows where that would lead? Maybe I’m just a dog with a very short financial leash.

I have a theory that every man has a dog in him, just that some of us are domesticated (I really mean tame). When I think domesticated, my mind immediately goes to ‘small’ dogs like Pomeranians, shih tzus and poodles. Other men are like pit bulls and Rottweilers. Those are the alpha dogs. And then there is that clique who are wolves. I know, wolves aren’t dogs. But they are canines, higher class of canine to be exact. Then, of course, some men are just mongrels, even though mongrel is a term more related to their breeding rather than their behaviour. But nuff  ol’ dawg (whether two or four-footed) happen to be mongrels so it’s not a totally unfair comparison. So, I’m left wondering. Am I handbag dog, a mongrel or an alpha? Dunno. Gonna eat a doggie biscuit, take a nap and think about it. Later.

Link me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com

Daviot Kelly


Daviot Kelly

Daviot Kelly describes mumbling and fumbling as two of his greatest obstacles in life, but not when it comes to penning his weekly column, Kelly’s World. A wizard with the pen, Kelly has been sharing his wit and unique perspective with the Flair since 2006.

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