There comes a time in one’s life when deep reflection ought to be mandatory. Some females spend so much time casting blame on their male counterparts that they forget to ask this simple question: is the object of your affection a boy or man?
It gets lonely, totally get that. But are you happy with a space filler, a boy toy void of any real connection? If the answer is yes, then do you, ‘sis’. But if the answer is no, this is your moment to ‘woman up’, face the realities before you, and determine if he is worthy of your effort, energy, and love.
If you’re still in the dark or need that well-deserved wake-up call, let’s spill the beans and make you some strong coffee, shall we? Let’s sip over a few of the signs.
It’s only fun and games
Nothing is wrong with being there for a good time, but if your goal is to be together for a long time, let’s put those fun and games aside. If you have established your motives from early and he is hesitant in any way, you can’t seem to have sentimental moments outside the realm of pleasure, or – a more obvious sign – he can’t seem to take you or himself seriously, then it’s time to re-evaluate his standing in your life.
He somehow seems to dim or tries to blow out your light at your most shining moments. If your fire is lacking that spark and he still plays the ‘firefighter’ role, ensuring that everything turns to smoke, it’s best he no longer turns up the heat in your erogenous zones. Put out that physical fire before he gets to stopping, dropping, and rolling all over your opinions, passions, dreams, and goals.
Biased in the bedroom
There’s nothing more disturbing than a selfish lover. If he ignores your fantasies and desire for solo gains, then what’s the point? It takes two to tango, so if he is only into self-pleasure between the sheets, then he doesn’t need you, does he? He can jerk off, literally!
Setting boundaries and administering tests
All relationships require rules, and life has this funny way of testing you, but if you find that he is caught up in the role of administrator with impossible missions and procedures designed to see if you can weather the storm. Instead of these exams, he should be opting for research.
Quarantine and curfew mode
If he has you or attempts to place you on lockdown, isolating you from your loved ones just so you can be solely dependent on him, then he isn’t a man, he’s a virus ready to control and wreak havoc on your life. Other symptoms of this virus are jealousy, possessiveness, and varying forms of abuse. Rid your body and life of this toxic behaviour so that you can truly heal.
Hungry for competition
A man’s swollen ego can very well be his ultimate downfall. It’s one thing when he isn’t supportive, but it reaches ‘level crazy’ when he decides to ‘one-up’ you every chance he gets. Instead of celebrating your promotion at work, he steals your spotlight by making himself the victim. He may lament the fact that he cannot provide for you when the truth is, he is threatened by your success. So he will do whatever he can to maintain the relationship hierarchy: making more money and being smarter and better than you. Here’s the million-dollar question: why compete when you both should be partners on the same love team? Food for thought.
Avoidance and coasting
You might be busy making plans. That’s completely natural. You may want to have serious conversations, too. But if he is ignoring those talks and those plans or has a ‘sure’ attitude without taking initiative or, worse, applies a lacklustre approach, then he may not be as interested as you thought. He might just be getting by, passing the time with you until another train comes along and he can jump out of this ride. PS: If he isn’t doing much with his life and has no ambition to make something of himself, then he cannot ‘afford’ to entertain your company. No one wants a deadbeat man.
Lying and cheating
A liar and a cheat. Why does he deserve your love? If he got away with it once, chances are, he will try it again. You get caught in his web of deception, and he always talks his way out of trouble, keeping you in his nest. But what do his actions say? If his words and actions aren’t compatible, then he shouldn’t be compatible with you.